Translation is only moments away.....

Well, I had the opportunity to visit the Doctor to see about fixing the only part of me that isnt perfect(besides my weight gain, my large nose, my longer then "normal" second toes, my no toenail pinky toes, ect, ect, ect). It was a lengthy process, they made me look up and down a lot. they make me place a name tag on my chin while they took pictures. They used some little measuring thingy to measure the amount of "lift" of my eyelids. (Incase you were wondering it is still ZERO.) If any of you have wondered what my eye problem is called, it is Congenial Ptosis. There are many terrible things that can happen due to this disorder; luckily, I have never suffered any of the other side effects. The biggest problem I have had due to this problem, is not being able to look up quick enough. Like the time Mark hit me in the face with a shovel while I was making a ring out of telephone wire in his front yard, but that’s a whole different story.
Anyways, there are two different ways they can try to resolve this lift issue. The most common way is to remove a small portion of your eyelid and shorten the “lifter” so that you will be able to open your eyes more fully. The surgery for this is called the Aponeurosis Advancement. The problem with this is, you must be able to lift your eyelids at least a little in order to have this be a true success. The major drawback of this is if you don’t have the needed amount of movement, you run in to the possibility of never being able to close your eye again.
The second option is the Autogenous Fascia Lata or the Frontilias Sling procedure. In this procedure, there is more that needs to be done to make it “work”. First they take a small amount of tissue from your knee or they use something created in a lab and cut it into 4 small 2mm x 12mm strips. The doctor then makes multiple incisions into the brow and folds down the outer level of skin from the eyelid. Then a “sling” is created in which the eyebrows now act as the “lifters” for the lids. I have included a drawing of the process so you can see what they will do. I did not include the actual pictures because it is not a pretty sight. This is all done with a local anesthetic with supplemental sudation.

Anyways, that’s all for now, I still need to decided if and when I am going to have my eyes ripped apart and sewn back together.

Here is a link to a few "work safe" before and after photos of ptosis

Summary of '07

I decided to create a summary of the things I have done and learned over the last year as well as updates on previous posts. I have been a little busy with life so I have not been able to blog quite as much as some people would prefer. So with no hesitation here we go (no particular order)
1. MRI’s - the feeling of being placed in a casket and being buried alive.....Yet very relaxing. I was buried alive for almost an hour and a half...better then a trip to the spa. Am I dying? That’s for me to know and you to find out.
2. Jersey - $170+ dollars and many x-rays later, I found out that my dog that limps and was deathly ill, does not have a limp and is not sick, yet the vet was willing to perform more tests for only $500 more. Hmmmmmm strange.
3. Electrocution – not much I want to say about this other then, holy *&% that hurt...my chest still hurts after that. They say everything happens for a reason and they are right, did you read my blog “Tis the season”? Well luckily I didn’t die or the world would never have known the truth.
4. The gray hatchback – Driving to Sacramento on ZERO hours of sleep after working a grave yard, buying a car, driving home in a Bronco who’s brakes keep locking up = a pretty fun little day trip....Taking over a year to fix a car that was “95% finished”, requiring 3 engines, a complete interior, and hundreds of wasted hours = a profit of $47.54 ( I wonder if I can write that off on my taxes)
5. Bunny rabbits don’t live longer than a week when they jump face first into the concrete from a 5 foot vertical drop.
6. Precious – costs more than the crappy civic hatch cost me. It’s not even my dog for hell sakes
7. I have perfected my ability to injury myself whenever I “fix” something and have reduced the number of times the item I am “fixing” to actually work after I am done.
8. Cooked Ground Beef is only good in the fridge for about 3 weeks before it goes bad, at 5 weeks it gives you a bellyache.
9. The new McD’s commercial with the little kid dipping his nuggets is good marketing. Haven’t seen it. Check out my other post
10. Just because you drive a hybrid car does not mean going 85 on the freeway will help stop “Global Warming”
11. Muck like peoples ears and noses....stinky-ness increases with age.
Well that’s all for this blog, Hopefully we all learned something.

Best Commercial of '07

An Early gift.....

This is a warning to my younger siblings, when you hit my age apparently all goes downhill. So if you think your health is bad now. Just wait. Who knew I would be getting an MRI for Christmas!!!! The thing people think to give as gifts never ceases to amaze me. That’s all I have to say about this subject at this time.


oh and On a side note, I would like to offer my sister my sympathy of the scratching of the iPod. It's always a sad day when we hurt the ones we love.

'Tis the season

Well it’s that time of year and if you are like me you hear everyone talking about what they want or what they need for Christmas. However, you rarely here anyone talk about the meaning behind Christmas. So I have brought it upon myself to remind everyone the undiluted true of why we have Christmas.

Four score and seven years go, the founder of Christmas first hit the scene. Now you might wonder what hip-cat came up with such a joyous and festive occasion? Well that would be your very own Joseph S. Joe bought a brand new fondue pot that he was going to give as a present to his good friend Tony that just had a baby named Moses. Joe was extremely excited about the present so he left JcPenney’s and headed strait to Baby Moses’ house. Along his journey he was riding his bicycle near the Jordan River, when he just so happened to hit a bump and lost the present in the river. The present was in the middle of the stream and Joe was unable to reach it. So he looked around and he saw this lady named Mary. Joe jumped back on his Schwin 12-speed and raced over to Mary and asked of her if she knew how to swim. Mary said yes, so he loaded Mary on to the handle bars of the bike and headed back to the river. However, when then got to the river, the present had moved into very fast moving currents. Mary jumped in and tried getting the present, but as she reached for it, she missed. When Mary missed the present, she was quickly pulled under by the current never to be seen again. This truly troubled Joe. He sat and watched the present drift further and further away, until all he could see as a glistening from the rapping paper which made it look like a tiny star. As he was watching the present, he saw his friend named Chris. Chris was a polo player on Team Bethlehem. Joe new that Chris had great swimming skills and the ability to work well with his hands in the water. Joe pointed at the present and yelled, “Chris stop that present!” Chris quickly jumped into action and dove into the raging river. Chris was swimming like the champion that he is. He was swimming around sharks, bears, trout’s, and manatees’. Joe was standing on the riverbank hollering jolly old sayings at Chris in the effort to cheer him on. Chris was inches from the present, he jumped out of the water, into the air (much like a dolphin), and when he came back down to grab Joe's package, he was struck by a bolt of lighting from on high. Luckily, this bolt of lightning forced Chris’s lifeless body back down into the water with so much force, it cause a wave that threw the present out on to riverbank. Joe went and retrieved the package and continued on his long journey to baby Moses’ house. Upon arriving at his destination, Joe was so distraught over losing two of his friends for this great gift. When father Moses opened the door, and asked what is wrong? Joe stated, “Well.......Marry....Chris.....missed....and this is your present.” And that is how Christmas all began. So Merry Christmas and this is your present.
(don't worry I have a pre-paid eternal salvation card)

And then there were 5.......Almost

Well, in all my experiences, I have had the opportunity to cheat death a few times, well add another to the list. Today, I was working on my fish tank instead of doing my homework. This is normally a non-eventful time and so like always, I was just doing as I do best...trying to Fix/break stuff. Well, today’s problem is the regulator on my CO2 tank. This regulator has a solenoid that is controlled by a pH sensor and it allows the power to turn on and off the CO2 tank. This is a handy feature and helps prevent wasting CO2.
Anyways, I originally pulled the entire tank out to fix the problem. After, I thought I had fixed it I put the CO2 tank back in underneath the fish tank. It was working for a short time before I decided to go check on it. It again had stopped working, so it was back to trying to get it to work. I pulled off the regulator a few times, messed with it, then put it back in. Over and over this only fixed the problem for a short time. I decided I better pull the tank out again so I could have a better view of what needed to be done. I was talking on the phone with Scrat and what not, relaxed as always. She needed to get off the phone since she was at work, so I hung up which allowed me to continue on with my quest. As I pulled the tank out, I stopped to unplug the regulator.




At this very second, the main line on the return pump came off. This just so happened to be located right below the miry of power supplies and connections the I had a firm grasp on with both hands. Instantly, I felt the electricity rip through my body, as I tried to release the plugs but I could not. Al the time, the water was spraying up, hitting the bottom of the cabinet and covering the rest of the electrical devices. I could feel the power of the electric current getting stronger and stronger as the saltwater came into contact with more and more components. Then, I looked over and saw the water was starting to build up towards the main ballasts for my 760w lighting system. Somehow with a loud "MOTHER %$*#ER" (like old saint nick) I tore away, jumped up and pulled the main power supply out of the wall.
After this narrow escape much like the ones in the movies, I just collapsed. My hands were pulsing and I noticed the 2 electrical burns on my arms. It took me literally 15 minutes of laying there listening to the water running down my stairs and into my basement before I could catch my breath. Once able to move again, I decided to call Scrat and let her know she wouldn’t have to come find my burn corpse in two weeks.
So if there is a moral of this story, don’t talk about how long it will take someone to find your body when you die and then get electrocuted, because if you don’t get killed within the first few seconds, a slow and agonizing death awaits you.
Also, just in case all you greedy people we looking forward to dividing up my collection of Honda civic parts and army rations, I’m NOT dead yet. On that note, I have a fish tank to mess with.

Family Problems

Well, apparently my family is full of problems and now I think I am getting mine. For my last 4 days I have been getting migraines. I have no idea what is bringing these on, but they are very annoying. It starts with weird flashing lights in my eyes, that leads to the lose of sight, that leads to a MASSIVE headache. During this process, I lose my ability to think, talk correctly, or write correctly. THis is getting in the way of work and school. I tried to write an essay that is due, but I cannot write sentences that are understandable. I dont even know if this blog will make sence because what I think and what is typed are not the same. It is very strange. I dont know if this is a brain problem or what. With all the other illnesses and problems the rest of my family has, I wonder if I might have surcome to the "pears gene" If this is the case, then I would think this might be the final proof that I may not be adopted. Either way I dont know if something is really wrong with me or all my schooling/stress/job/life has caught up to me. The funny part is, this is the first time in months that I have only had 1 class to deal with, so I cant see how stress would be the cause. Oh well, I guess if my brain explodes during the night, and after the 2 weeks it would take someone to find that I am dead, you will know that it must have been the migraines. Have you ever sat there an wondered how long it would take for someone to find you after you died. Most married people probably would only take a few hours at most, single people living near family might take a day or so. Single people who do not live near family and do not have close friends that frequent the living area could take anywhere from two weeks to 2 months. Old people with no friends, no job, no family, and no contact with outsiders can take years to find. Usually they are only located when the Tax man comes looking for payment. Anyways, the point of this blog is to let everyone know I have a migrain and my head hurts. Also if you have suggestions on relieving migranes please forward them to me.